Choice
by writinginthemargins
Summary: I paused at the top of the cliff, feeling the rain on my face, anticipating the plunge and Edward's voice yelling in my head as I flew through the air.  I smiled.  I was only moments away.  I took a step forward…and hesitated.
1. Cliff

**Unfortunately I did not come up with Twilight, so credit goes to Stephenie Meyer and her powerful imagination. Now my imagination is just having some fun with the world and stories she created.**

**This is my first ever story; I hope you enjoy! I'll try and update weekly.**

I paused at the top of the cliff, feeling the rain on my face, anticipating the plunge and Edward's voice yelling in my head as I flew through the air. I smiled. I was only moments away. I took a step forward…and hesitated. Where was Jacob? The thought came to me suddenly. He had promised to meet me. Something must have happened to distract him. What if (and the bottom dropped out of my stomach) what if the wolves had crossed Victoria's trail? What if they were following her right now and here I was, acting like some impetuous child who didn't get her way, about to throw herself off a cliff to satisfy some delusions? I swallowed and looked down. It _was_ awfully high up. With a sigh, I backed away from the edge, struggling against my disappointment. Another time, when Jacob was around in case things went wrong…as they so often did for me.

"Thank you Bella." His voice was so full of abject gratitude and relief that it froze me for a moment. That burning hole in my chest throbbed and flamed and I stood there paralyzed, letting the rain that should have cooled the pain soak through to my skin, feeling the wind whipping my hair across my face. Would this pain ever end? For one more moment, the edge of the cliff looked inviting. But Edward's voice growled in my head and I reminded myself of my reasons for not jumping. I took another step back…into a very warm embrace.

"Bella!" Jacob swooped me up in a bone-breaking hug. "What are you doing up here! You were supposed to wait on the beach!" He placed me back on the ground and I turned to retort something - his presence already a balm to the throb in my chest - and paused. Sam stood behind him, his face perturbed, not his normal smoothness. Something was wrong.

"Victoria…she hurt…" I choked out, my knees going weak. Oh God, someone had been hurt. But who?

"No, no Bella," Jacob hurried to reassure me, exchanging a glance with Sam. "Though she's always a concern. We should get you out of the rain. I'll explain in a bit." His gaze swept the area and I couldn't help but look around myself. For a brief second, as I looked out across the water, I thought I saw a flash of red, like a flame, floating above the waves, but when I blinked and narrowed my eyes, I saw nothing. I turned back to Jacob and Sam in silent conversation.

Sam nodded. "I'll return to the hospital then. Be careful." He loped away into the woods.

I looked up at Jacob, blinking away the rainwater in my face. "What's going on Jake? Are you okay?"

He didn't meet my gaze; instead he stared at the rainsoaked ground. "It's Harry Clearwater. He had a heart attack. He…he didn't make it," he said quietly.

"Oh Jake, I'm so sorry," I said, my heart aching at the pain on his face. His pain, my pain. I hugged him tightly and his arms slowly came around me, face buried in my drenched hair. We stood like that for a moment before he pulled us apart and began to tug me back to the road where his Rabbit waited. "Sam is helping Sue and her kids. Quil and Embry are still running patrol."

"Will they be all right on their own?" I asked, worried again.

Jake rolled his eyes, though it lacked his usual energy. "They'll be fine. We chased her earlier but she took off into the water. I thought you were on the beach so I went running. And then I saw you on that cliff…" He shuddered and then turned to look at me, ignoring the road. Did all males do that? "What were you thinking Bella?"

I hung my head, ashamed. "I wasn't," I replied.

"Apparently. Did you even notice what a hurricane it's turned into? It would not have been fun fishing you out. That current would have swept you away. Let's hold off on the recklessness for a little while okay?" He seemed satisfied with my nods as we pulled up in front of his house.


	2. Unknown Visitor

**Again, this is Stephenie Meyer's world, not mine. I'm just rewriting the end of New Moon in a way that's a little more satisfying to me. This is an Edward/Bella story, so don't worry! He'll be here eventually. I'm just having fun playing with some "what if" questions. What if Bella hadn't jumped? What if Alice had called Edward or missed Bella at her house? What if Edward had already been heading back to Forks to check on Bella? I'm hoping this story will have some fun flirting with different answers to those questions!**

**Please review if you have a chance; this is my first fanfic and I'm always looking for ways to improve!**

Jake and I returned to his house, stumbling rain-drenched, into his little den. The house felt sad, though nothing bad had happened there. Just knowing that Billy was out, dealing with the death of a friend and council member, was enough to make the normally cheery house a place of silence. Jake briefly disappeared to change into some dry clothes, coming back with a hugely oversized t-shirt and sweatshirt for me. I gratefully changed in his bathroom before we both collapsed on the couch. Jacob was quiet, obviously thinking about Harry. I stayed quiet, not protesting when he tucked me under his arm and rested his head on top of mine. We both needed comfort: him for the death of a family friend and me for the death of my delusions. Because as I lay there, curled up beside my best friend, I realized that it was time for me to grow up. Not let go: I didn't think I would ever be able to do that. But it was time to stop throwing myself at the next adrenaline inducing activity in the hopes of hearing the voice of someone who was never coming back. It was the responsible thing to do. What if it had been me that had died that day? What if that current had swept me away, out to sea, never to return? How could I do that to Charlie? To Jacob? After everything they had both done for me, they deserved better than that. I owed them both my life. It would just about kill me to give up those few moments when I could hear Edward's voice again but I would have to do it. Because there were other people who loved me and they did not deserve to get a phone call about some horrible accident of my own making. The hole in my chest burned in protest and I felt tears gathering in my eyes but I resisted the urge to cry. It was time to grow up.

Jacob must have dozed off for a moment because he suddenly jumped, startling me. He chuckled in embarrassment and then stood swiftly, pulling me up with him. "Come on Bells," he said. "I should get you home. I'm sure Charlie will want to see you."

We drove to my house in silence. As we pulled up, Jake killed the ignition. I went to open the door but he suddenly pulled me into another of his bone-breaking hugs. "I'm so glad you didn't jump off that cliff Bella," he murmured into my hair. "When I didn't see you on the beach…and then saw you standing at the edge of that cliff…" He swallowed. "My heart almost stopped. I've never run so fast in my life. If you had been hurt," he shook his head, "I don't know what I would have done. Thank you."

Hearing those words again, coming from someone else I loved, not as much but loved enough, made tears prick my eyes again. I knew I had made the right decision today as he held me close; I could not cause him any more pain. As I sat there, wrapped in his arms, more thoughts began to swirl through my head. Jacob wanted me, wanted to be with me. I knew he loved me and I loved him enough that I wanted him to be happy. _I _could make him happy. Sure, I would be completely giving up on the man I truly loved, loved to the very core of my being, but maybe Charlie was right. Maybe I had to accept what Fate had dealt out to me; my mother had left Charlie heartbroken and alone but he had recovered. He had put his life back together, found some small measure of happiness. Maybe it was time for me to do the same.

I could make that choice right now. If I lifted my face up to Jacob's, pressed my lips gently against his, he would not question…at least not tonight. It would be enough. I hesitated, my breath starting to pick up, my heart starting to pound. Jacob, sensing my sudden reaction, began to release me. I took a deep breath and looked up into his dark eyes. They went wide, seeing the conflict on my face. Very, very slowly, he leaned in, keeping his eyes on mine. And then suddenly, I heard Edward's voice, as if he were sitting beside me. "Be happy, Bella," he whispered. I froze, shocked into stillness as surely as if I had been paralyzed. Jacob saw my sudden panic and immediately backed away, trying to hide the expression of hurt on his face. I swallowed tightly and turned to escape. I opened the door…and instantly everything changed. Jacob reached out, slamming the door closed, suddenly shaking.

"Jacob, what's wrong?" I asked.

"There was a vampire here," he hissed through clenched teeth, looking around wildly. I also began to look around, a cold sweat breaking out. The street was empty; my house was dark. There was nothing to be seen.

"You said _was_?" I whispered. "Do you think she's gone?"

Without answering, Jacob got out of the truck, closing the door behind him. I could tell he was taking deep breaths, taking in every scent he could. He followed the smell right around the side of my house, pausing below my window. He scrambled up the tree, pushed open my window and climbed inside. All this time I was glancing around me, trying to take in every sight, waiting for something to burst through the car door. Then Jake was suddenly back, running back to the truck and jumping inside. He was shaking but he did not look so furious.

"Whoever it was, they're gone," he said, trying to calm himself. "They went up to your room but then they left."

"Was it Victoria?" I managed to say.

He shook his head tightly. "I didn't recognize the scent," he admitted. "It was a bloodsucker I don't know. I should take you back to my house…"

Just then another set of lights came down the street: it was Charlie. I thought of him, being here alone and upset, while a strange vampire stalked the house. I gulped and shook my head. "No, I'm staying here. I'm not leaving Charlie alone," I said loudly, interrupting whatever Jake had been about to say. "And I don't want to drag him out of his home when he's grieving. My imagination for excuses is dry right now so can we please just stay here? It wasn't Victoria, so it could have been anyone. Maybe she's got a friend, maybe…" My throat closed up suddenly. No, it couldn't have been one of _them._ None of them were coming back. But the sudden hope was almost overwhelming.

Jake's eyes narrowed in reaction to the change in my expression. "I'll run patrol," he said finally. "I'll get some of the guys down here to keep an eye on you. Do not leave this house, do you understand me?" He waited until I nodded. "I don't like this Bella. But I'm trusting you to not get yourself killed." With that, he got out, opened my door, and led me inside, keeping me tight against his body.


	3. Panic

**So I had originally decided to write the entire story in BPOV but I suddenly felt like I needed to give a little bit of EPOV in order to make more clear the choices I've made in this rewrite of New Moon. So to explain: Edward says in canon that he was close to coming back, just to check on Bella. So what if he was planning that? What if he got the phone call at that moment? Just playing around with some details. Anyway, I hope you enjoy. Please review! Lots of people reading, I would love to hear your thoughts and comments!**

EPOV

The sun slowly rose, it traveled across the sky, and then it just as slowly set. Then it was darkness, seemingly eternal, until the sun rose again the next morning to begin its irreversible cycle. I wished that it would stop flaunting its cheery sunshine. It would always be night for me, a night without stars or moon, without reason. Without Bella. I rested my head against the wall behind me, my eyes closed. To any other observer, I must have looked dead. I felt dead. My heart, though it had not beat in decades, felt deformed, misshapen, broken, missing some essential piece that I had left in the rainy town of Forks.

It was torture to think of her, but my mind never let me think of anything else. Even during the months of tracking Victoria, Bella had always been there in the back of my mind. It was a physical pain to think of her, but I was a masochist after all. Hadn't I proved that with my inability to leave her alone in the first place?

My eyes slowly opened and I stared out the window before me, facing to the northwest. Sometimes, I imagined that if I stared long and hard enough, I would be able to see across the thousands of miles to Forks, to Bella. I knew I would not be that lucky, that luck, fate, fortune had deserted me forever. I had had my moments of happiness; now I would live the rest of my lifetime, or Bella's lifetime in all honesty, in darkness.

Just imagining seeing her one more time, checking to make sure she was safe and happy, had me wanting to leap off the floor and run north as quickly as I had ever run. Without realizing it, I was on my feet, my hands against the window as I looked out over the city in the soft evening light. I bowed my head as an onslaught of thoughts and memories hit me, washed over me again, as they had so many times through the last painful seven months. My knees actually buckled and I dropped to the floor with a moan, unable to banish the images in my head. I didn't want to think anymore, didn't want to see these images…and yet I did. Bella watching me across the cafeteria, laying in our meadow, resting on my back as I ran through the forest, murmuring in her sleep as she curled against my chest. So many memories, now like bullets striking my body. They were just as painful. Harder memories came: the smell of her strawberry scented hair, the delicious scent that was purely _her, _the heat of her body pressed against mine, our lips moving gently, the sound of her heart pounding. And then the worst memories: hearing her heartbeat falter as she lay on the studio floor, listening to her agonizing screams that tore through my body, biting through her soft skin and drinking her blood. Then more recent: throwing her backwards, hearing the crash of plates and her cry of pain, smelling the blood for a split second before I cut off my air, rushing to protect her from Jasper, afraid for her life and yet wanting to turn around and drink myself. I buried my head in my hands, trying to push the memories from my mind. But more just came: leaving her as she fled to Phoenix, promising to stay with her in the hospital, running from her in the woods that day, her wide chocolate eyes shocked but resigned as she absorbed my lies as truth.

I felt myself begin to sob without tears and then just as suddenly launch into a familiar rage. I stood, throwing myself at the window, smashing through the glass with a cry, the pieces dropping into harmless shards on the floor. My hands glistened slightly in the dim early evening light and I stepped back into shadow, my chest heaving. One hand brushed the table and I glanced down out of habit. My cell phone sat there, unused for so long. I hadn't answered it in a while and I suddenly felt a twinge of guilt. Esme and Carlisle would be worried, Alice too. I should call and make sure they were all right. Or maybe I could go visit, just briefly, and then disappear again. I tried to ignore the fact that this would put me back in the continental US, closer to Bella. Maybe I could head over to Forks, just briefly, just to make sure she was settled, maybe hear what college she had decided to go to. I wouldn't be interfering, just gathering information. It would be so easy; she would never know I had been there. Keeping tabs, making sure she was safe, that no other monsters had come into her life.

I felt suddenly panicked. What if something had happened? I hadn't heard any news from Alice in a long time. What if she didn't know what was happening, that everything was safe for her? What if, and my head buzzed with rage at the thought, what if Victoria had gone back to Forks, trying to pick up on my trail? These thoughts flew through my head and I was already reaching for the phone when it began to ring. I swiped it up, barely looking at the caller ID. "Alice," I said by way of greeting.

"Edward you need to come home. Now," she trilled, her voice anxious.

"I was just making plans to come north," I began but she cut me off.

"No Edward, you need to go home to Forks. I saw…" She paused and I felt like I had become a block of ice.

"You saw what Alice?" I almost growled, unable to stand the tension.

"I saw her. Bella." Ah, it was amazing what her name could do to me. "She was on a cliff…Edward, she was deciding to jump."

My air cut off in my sudden despair. Bella, my Bella, leaping from a cliff? Why would she ever do something like that? "She promised!" I cried out. "She promised she would keep herself safe! Did she do it Alice? Oh God, please tell me she didn't do it."

"I don't know Edward," she whispered. "She disappeared from my vision right after she decided. I…I can't see her. I don't know what happened. I'm at the airport now…" That was all I needed to hear. I hurled the phone away from me, shattering it against the wall. In the next half second I was down the stairs and out the door. Now was the time to run faster than I ever had in my life.


	4. Dreaming

Chapter 4

**So let me explain a little: last chapter took place immediately after Jake found Bella on the cliff; I went back in time slightly. Now we're all caught up and back to Bella's POV. Hope you enjoy; please review and let me know what you think! I'd love to hear any comments or questions you might have! You might recognize some lines from **_**New Moon**_** in this section; I'm trying to keep it as close to canon as possible. So I must therefore say that all these characters etc belong to Ms. Meyer and not to me.**

BPOV

My room seemed undisturbed, nothing to indicate I had had a strange visitor. After assuring himself that I was not going anywhere, that I would be safe for the night, Jake kissed me on the forehead and hurried outside. As I got ready for bed, I could have sworn I smelled something familiar. Not _his _scent, but something else…I felt like I should know it but I just could not place that scent. I gave up and crawled into bed. That night my subconscious let me be, perhaps satisfied that I had tortured myself enough by denying my delusions.

It was a long day. I jumped at every sound, every shadow. Charlie was in and out all day; I tried to look supportive and cheerful whenever he appeared but as soon as he was gone I locked myself in my room, staring out the window. I heard the phone ring throughout the day but I ignored all the calls. I was in no mood for telemarketers. The phone finally quieted around dinnertime; Charlie got home not too much later.

But that night, the dreams were back. Tonight I was as restless as the weather outside. And my dreams were confused and dark. The cliff and the storm, the flash of red on the water and the clap of thunder. Edward's voice was there, quiet and low. "Oh, thank God," he breathed. There was so much joy in that voice, so much relief. I was suddenly in the forest, straining after that beautiful velvet tone but it hovered all around me. I didn't know what direction to go in. I spun in the forest, stumbling in first one direction then another. He began to hum my lullaby softly, the sound echoing around me. My arms strained out, reaching. I think I made a noise, turning in my sleep. The lullaby stopped abruptly and I almost cried. "No," I murmured as I slowly woke up. "Please keep going, please." I felt the tears streaming down my face. I wanted to hear that melody again, hear his voice, feel his cold arms wrap around me and hold me and banish the nightmares. My dream-Edward's breathing grew ragged, almost as if he too were sad that I could not reach him, that he had to stop.

I knew I was waking up when I felt the hole in my chest begin to burn. I wrapped my arms tightly around my middle, curling up on myself as I cried quietly into my pillow. I clenched my teeth together so I wouldn't have to hear my own pleading anymore. He was not coming back. He didn't care, no matter what my delusions said. I had to accept that. But these dreams continued to torture me. How much more could I take? Without meaning too, I let a whimper out and heard myself whisper his name. "Edward, please…" I bit back the rest of my plea and the tears came faster. I was so wrapped up in my own head that I didn't notice the increased sound of the wind as a window opened in my room. I didn't see the pattern of my lace curtains shifting in shadows across my wall. But I did feel something cold brush the hair away from my face and then softly stroke my cheek.

I froze immediately, the tears abruptly cutting off as terror, pure and strong, swirled throughout my body, swamping my thinking processes. Victoria was here. This was it. She had gotten around Jake and his friends. I refused to think that she had just decided to go _through _them. My eyes flew open, my heart galloping in panic, for both myself and for them. The touch had pulled away. I sat up, instinctively cringing back against my headboard even as I resolved not to make a sound. I would not get Charlie hurt. I stared into the deepest shadows of my room, seeing something pale and still lurking in the corner.

She didn't move. I caught a glint of eyes in a pale face as the shadows shifted with my blowing curtains. The suspense was part of the torture, I was sure. Why not speed up the process before my heart failed on its own? I cleared my throat, trying to regain the power of speech. "I'm alone," I managed to whisper. More alone than you seem to realize, I wanted to say, but my ever-present hole throbbed and I decided to move on. "So…you win. Just…just…" But the plea I wanted to voice for my father didn't come. Because the vampire stepped from the shadows. And I could no longer breathe.

I was still asleep. There was no other explanation. This was a continuation of the torturous dream I'd been having. Because Edward stood there, his bronze hair tousled, his pale skin accentuated by the dark clothes he wore, his mouth as perfect as ever, his face sculpted like a famous statue. And his eyes. No memory or dream of mine had ever before captured that smoldering look that stopped my heart every time. I forced myself to breathe as I sat there, still clutching my covers to my chest. The pattern of light and shadow thrown by my curtains played across his indecipherable features. Joy, pain, relief, anguish…more emotions than I could recognize flitted across his face. He took a cautious step forward, a hand held out warily. "It's all right Bella," he said softly, (oh how my heart beat at the sound of his voice!), "I didn't mean to startle you. I'm…I'm so…"

But I didn't let him finish. If I was dreaming, then I was going to take full advantage of this dream. I would take the pain in the morning. But for once, just this once, he was within reach in my subconscious. I threw back the covers, jumped up and stumbled into his arms with a wordless sob. His tight cold embrace was just as I remembered, and his scent! My vague memories had not done it…had not done him justice. He swept me up and sat on the bed, rearranging me on his lap.

He rocked me gently, humming my lullaby softly, his face buried in my hair. I tried to stop the tears as they poured down my face. I needed to see him, to drink this in while it lasted before my alarm clock, or Jake, or Charlie woke me up. I tilted my head back and felt, with an electric shock to my dead heart, his cold lips kiss my forehead, right where Jacob had placed his the night before. "I'm so sorry Bella," he whispered against my skin. "I know I promised to stay away, to leave you alone but…"

I held a finger against his lips. "Thank you for coming back to me," I murmured. "Even if it's only for a moment. I'll deal with whatever pain this leaves me in the morning. But for now…God, I don't want to wake up."

His perfect features became surprised, then concerned. "Bella," he said slowly. "You're not asleep. I came back, I…I had to see you, to make sure you were all right. When I saw you crying, I, I couldn't stop myself…I didn't mean to wake you…"

I shook my head indulgently. Silly hallucination. "My dreams are working overtime tonight," I said. "My subconscious is trying to trick me even when I'm asleep. Usually that only happens when I'm awake."

Those eyes, blacker than I had ever seen them, became more concerned. "When you're awake? No, no I'll discuss that later." His eyes burned into mine and I forgot to breathe. "Shall I prove that you are awake?" He bent closer to me and though I wanted it more than anything, I cringed away from his kiss. I could handle the pain when I woke up but this, this would be too much. This I could not handle.

"Don't," I whispered. "Please don't."

He pulled back abruptly, his face hurt for a brief moment before it became a mask. "Have you moved on Bella? Because that would be fair. That's what I wanted." Those words were like a knife in my already wounded chest. I fought back more tears, certain another crying fit would wake me up. "I…I had to be sure you were safe, that you had kept your promise. But still I didn't expect…" and his breath grew ragged again, his voice rough, "I didn't think to see you, here, safe in bed. Oh but I am so glad that you are!" He suddenly pulled me tightly against him, burying his face in my hair. I bemusedly rested my head against his shoulder. I must be really tired; he wasn't making any sense. After a moment, he pulled away to stare into my face as if he couldn't bear to look away. "You were so sad. And you calmed down when I began to sing…I thought…" He hung his head for a moment.

I swallowed. "I did calm down. I was dreaming of you…still dreaming apparently," I added.

"Do you…dream of me a lot?" he asked hesitantly.

Well I was still dreaming anyway, so what did it matter if I was honest? My dream Edward wouldn't be embarassed by my answer; I'd probably wake up before he reacted. "Yes," I answered. "They just keep getting worse. Most of the time I wander through the forest like…like that day…" I glossed over that, shuddering. "And then I can't remember what I was looking for. And tonight, I could hear you all around me, just like when I was at the cliff but I had no sense of direction. And now you're here." I smiled. "I'll take tomorrow's pain for a dose of my addiction tonight."

I expected him to fade away now, but nothing happened. His arms tensed and his eyes became rock hard as he looked down into mine. "At the cliff?" he nearly growled at me. "So you actually went? Then why…how…"

I smiled. "You would be mad about that. But I didn't jump…this time anyway," I added. If potential cliff jumping triggered these kinds of dreams, I would go every day!

"You didn't jump?" he repeated, looking both confused and relieved. "Then why did you disappear?"

I just shook my head. Still not making sense. But then Edward seemed to remember something else I had said, and his eyes became tortured. "Every night?" he whispered. "And you wandered…that day?" He swallowed, though I knew he didn't need to.

"I got lost. I tried to follow you. It didn't work, not surprising I suppose." I sighed. "I wonder when I'll wake up. How much time do I have with you?"

I reached up to stroke his face for a moment. He leaned into my palm. "I won't leave until you tell me to," he vowed. "Especially not after your almost cliff adventure. Your life is too precious for me to let you throw it away."

I almost laughed. "I wasn't trying to kill myself!" I let out an embarrassed chuckle. "I just wanted to hear your voice so badly and cliff-diving seemed like my best chance. But this," I reached up to stroke his face, "this dream is so much better."

"You're not dreaming Bella!" He sounded almost exasperated. "I'm here! And I am sorry." His voice became deep with emotion; his head hung down, hiding that beautiful face from me. "I am so sorry I left you. It was the biggest mistake of my existence. I've regretted it from the moment I left you. I've been fighting myself, trying not to return. But after Alice called me yesterday…she saw you on a cliff and then you disappeared. She couldn't see anymore…I panicked. I just needed to make sure you were safe, and then I was going to leave, I swear…"

I held up a hand to stop the words flowing out of his mouth. "Edward," I paused, savoring his name. "Edward, I'm fine. At least, I am now that you're here, with me. I've been so terrified that I'll begin to forget, but I couldn't remember either without hurting. I'm so glad you're here now."

"I really am here Bella," he whispered. "Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up. I promise."

I sighed. A perfect dream could only last so long. I would be in for it once the sun rose anyway. He lay back on the bed with me curled on his chest. One hand stroked my hair. "Sleep Bella. I'll be here." The sound of his lullaby lulled me into a dreamless sleep.


	5. Reality

**I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to update: I have had this chapter ready forever but I've been getting this horrid Type 2 error message for weeks and it finally went away! So here it is, enjoy! I'll try and update again within the next couple days! And again, SM owns all.**

Chapter 5

I heard Charlie's door open and close, listened as he went downstairs. I struggled to wake up, rolling over, tangled in my sheets. I sighed in exasperation…and then froze as my dreams collapsed on me. Chasing Edward's voice…listening to his lullaby…feeling his touch…seeing his face…his eyes…The hole in my chest was crippling. I curled into a ball, gasping for breath. It had been so real, I could almost believe it had happened. I could almost still smell his delicious scent on my covers.

I fought to sit up, determined to struggle through it. Charlie would need me today. I opened my eyes and almost screamed. Because Edward sat in my old rocking chair, watching me with alarmed astonishment. "Bella! What's wrong?" He was beside me in a moment, tugging my arms away from my chest.

I pulled back, struggling to breathe, pressing my fists against my head. "Wake up, wake up, wake up," I chanted. This had to end, I wouldn't be able to handle anymore.

"Bella, please!" His anxiety broke through my chanting. I cautiously opened my eyes. He was still there, looking panicked.

I stared, confused and upset. It was morning. I could hear Charlie downstairs. Birds chirped outside. I could feel my heart pounding. And yet Edward still sat there, looking perfect as ever. What was happening?

"Oh. Oh my God," I breathed. I slowly reached out, my hand trembling. "Edward? Are you really…?"

He took my hand and held it to his face. "I said I would be here. I will not leave you again Isabella Swan. I love you. I have always loved you and will always love you. Whether you feel the same is entirely up to you. I left so that you could find a normal life. And if you did, I will not stand in the way of that."

I stared at him for another wordless moment. It was almost too much to handle. I felt like I had woken from one dream only to find myself in another. "But…" I struggled with words. "But you said…you didn't want me anymore." Oh that hurt to say and I could see the pain in his eyes too.

"I lied Bella," he confessed. "You would not have let me go so I had to force you. It just about killed me to do it but only you, only your safety, could have held me through to the end. The end of everything." He swallowed, his face tight. I didn't dare breathe. "I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up to you all the pain that I have caused. Can you forgive me?"

I stared at him. He had left me, lied to me, broken me in a million tiny pieces that I thought I would never be able to pick up. I should be furious, livid. I should be throwing things at him, calling him names, telling him in no uncertain terms how he made me feel.

He made me feel …complete. Alive. My heart pounded with joy and air whooshed through my lungs and my very being seemed to sing because he was here. And he loved me. Everything he had done, he had done out of love. It should have been hard to accept…but it wasn't. Some part of me that had lain quiet for a long time recognized truth. How could I be angry? This was not a normal high-school romance: it never had been. This was more. _He_ was more. The petty squabbles that happened between exes just did not apply here.

Suddenly it all clicked. He was here. For some inexplicable reason, he was here. And he…he loved me. "Edward Cullen," I whispered. "Am I really awake?"

He gave me my favorite crooked smile. "Yes, you silly beautiful girl," he said. "You're awake."

At that, he bent and pressed his cold lips against mine. It was then that I believed him about everything. Because this…this my mind could not fake. His lips, so hard and cold but so gentle as they moved against mine. His hands softly cupping the sides of my face. The way my body automatically responded to his touch, my heart racing out of control. He was here and he was real. He loved me, as strange and insane as that was, this beautiful creature loved me. He had left, but he was back, here, with me. And he still wanted me. The joy that ripped through my body right then was more intense than any hole that had been there before. I pulled myself against his body, the intensity of my happiness making me forget our…well, his boundaries. But he did not push me away. Instead, he held me close, our breathing ragged as my heart beat so loudly, I was sure Charlie could hear it. And I wouldn't have cared.

But thinking of Charlie brought back some other events. I broke away from Edward, concern distracting me. "Charlie," I whispered. "The funeral is today. I need to go, I have to help him…" Edward looked confused. "Harry Clearwater," I said in response to his unasked question. "Not mine," I added more softly. "That was never the plan." His answering smile was brilliant. As I stood, I turned back to look at him, suddenly afraid he would be gone when I got back.

He seemed to know what I was thinking. "I won't leave. I promise," he said quietly. I swallowed, trying to catch my breath as I hurried downstairs to Charlie.

**Well what did you think? Feel free to leave comments and suggestions. I wanted there to be a bit more of a discussion/resolution between Bella and Edward compared to what happens in **_**New Moon **_**but I also did not want to go crazy and have Bella start screaming at Edward because that's way too outside her character. So trying to find a balance! **


	6. Unfinished

**And so the story continues. Edward and Bella are reunited, but they still have some issues to resolve…**

**SM owns all.**

Chapter 6

I helped Charlie get on his way. He moved slowly around the kitchen, dressed in an old suit, his face lined and sad. I made him breakfast and sat with him while he ate. He was so turned inside himself in his grief he did not notice the restored color in my face or the brightness in my eyes. I was complete again. It seemed unfair that Charlie would have to lose someone at the same time that someone had come back to me.

I watched him drive away in the cruiser, my arms folded across my chest out of habit. Suddenly another pair of arms wrapped around me from behind. Even after all this time, it was so familiar. "I'm sorry about Harry," Edward said quietly. "If there's anything I can do…"

"I think the best thing is to give him some time," I said. Then, more hesitantly, "I don't know if he'll be very pleased to see you."

I felt him freeze for a moment behind me, but then he nodded. "Understandable. What is not so understandable…" He turned me to face him, scrutinizing me. "How can you take me back so quickly? Don't you need more explanations? And what did you mean last night about your subconscious tricking you? And the cliff…Alice saw you on the cliff and then she couldn't see you anymore. What happened?"

I held up a hand to slow him down. "Where is she, by the way? Are…are they coming back?"

He smiled. "If you are willing to have me back in your life…"

"I am!" I said loudly.

His smile grew. "Then yes, they will be back. But no distractions. Explain."

I hesitated. How much did I want him to know? He read the reluctance in my eyes. So quickly I didn't see it coming, he swooped me up in his arms and carried me to the couch where, so many months before, he had sat and whispered Romeo's lines in my ear. He stared at me, his purpose in interrogating me seemingly briefly forgotten. His eyes rested on me as if I was a work of priceless art in a museum, something to be treasured and admired for ages. I had never understood how he could look at me like that. I blushed under his scrutiny and he grinned at the familiar rush of blood beneath my skin. How long had it been since I had done that? "All right Bella Swan, out with it."

I sighed. "I…I found that when I was involved in…in adrenaline producing activities I could remember you. I could hear your voice again. I didn't want to forget anything, but it hurt to remember. So this was a compromise. But I heard you on the cliff…after I had already decided not to jump…" I paused, thinking about this. I had not been in danger; I had decided against recklessness. But I heard him say thank you, gratefully, relieved…lovingly. He had loved me…really loved me. He had left to protect me…but from what? From his family? Or from the future? The future I had wanted so desperately: eternity with him. Was that it? Was that at the heart of this cataclysmic decision that had torn our lives apart?

I looked up quickly but his expression drove these thoughts from my mind for a moment. He was angry, disbelief etched across his face. "You…put yourself in danger…to hear my voice?" He was outraged. I cringed but nodded. "Bella, of all the ridiculous things! And after you promised to take care of yourself…"

That made me angry. I glared at him. "And you promised it would be as if you never existed! As if such a thing could actually happen! My life changed the moment I met you. You couldn't erase that by leaving. _I _was different. _I _had changed. Things didn't go back to how they were just because you left. You broke your promise the moment you made it, so I evened things up!"

We glared for a moment, but then Edward's expression melted. Pain began to peek through the lines of his face and the expression in his eyes. "I should never have left. I will hate myself for all eternity for leaving you behind." He seemed to remember something and his face blanched, if that were even possible. "This morning, when you woke up in such pain…was that because of me? Because of what I did?" I had never seen such an expression of agony on his face.

I reached forward to hold my hand against his cheek. "Don't," I whispered. He lifted his head to look into my eyes. "Don't be sad. We're together now; that's what matters." I tried to harden my face for an instant and said something I knew was both necessary and frightening. "But we will have to talk. About…all of this." Edward's eyes became stricken and I felt my resolve melt. But only a little. "We can deal with that later though." I slowly bent forward to press my lips to his. He kissed me back for a moment before he suddenly pulled away, looking toward the front door. He grinned though his eyes were still worried. "You have a visitor."

Before I could even ask, the front door opened…and a small, pixie-like girl danced into my house, her short black hair framing a small pale face that was lit with excitement. With a squeal I jumped up from the sofa and threw myself into Alice's arms, crying suddenly. She caught me easily and giggled even as she pulled her head away from my hair. "Bella…" she said warningly. I hopped away, wiping my eyes even as I laughed. "Sorry Alice, I haven't had to think about that in a while."

Alice smiled at me. "I've missed you Bella. I wanted to say goodbye but…" She flashed a glance at Edward, who had come to stand behind me, "a clean break…" She trailed off apologetically.

I shook my head. "I'm not angry at you Alice. You were trying to do the right thing by your brother."

Her smile was relieved but it quickly became a frown as her gaze took in my pajamas and hair. "Bella…no offense, but you are a mess."

"Well I only woke up a little while ago…" I began defensively.

"No I mean…_you _are a mess." Her face was sad as she moved closer, examining. "You've lost weight," she accused. "Circles under your eyes, paler than normal…are you trying to become a vampire through some unknown method? Because I don't think it's working."

I didn't dare look at the expression on Edward's face but Alice must have seen it. She stopped, shooting a furtive glance at her brother. I looked down at the floor. "I've been trying," I muttered. "I really have. I wouldn't even be…well, let's say I've had some help."

"Help?" Alice asked, tilting her head to the side.

"Jacob Black," I murmured. "He's my friend." Suddenly Edward stiffened behind me and I turned, surprised. His face was rigid as he looked down at me, his nostrils flared. "Edward, what…?"

"He's on his way," he said through clenched teeth.

"What are you talking about? I don't see anything," complained Alice.

"I think we're about to find out why," said Edward, visibly trying to relax his position. "Bella, is there something we need to know about Jacob Black?"

I froze. What to say? Oh I've been hanging out with werewolves since the only other supernatural creatures that I know of left town? As I hesitated, I heard a strange sound outside my house, almost like a wind. And then I heard Jake's voice, breathlessly yelling my name, and I knew he had run as a wolf and had just transformed right outside my house. Instantly everything changed. I was suddenly up against the wall of my living room, Alice and Edward positioned in front of me in a guard position, a growl slipping through Edward's teeth.

"It can't be," murmured Alice as they turned toward the door.

**Thoughts? Comments? Ideas? Throw them my way folks, you girls and guys keep me writing!**


	7. TugofWar

**Trouble, trouble coming! **

**SM owns all, lucky lady.**

Chapter 7

"Bella!" yelled Jacob as he sprinted into the house.

For one horrible moment, I thought I was about to witness the most terrifying battle of my life. Jacob came to a grinding halt in the living room, his limbs quivering rapidly as he took in the scene: Edward and Alice in front of me, hands ready, teeth bared. "Werewolf," spat Edward.

A growl rumbled through Jacob's quivering chest. I tried to push past Edward and Alice but I might as well have been pushing against concrete.

"Bella," Jake said, his voice deep as he sought to control himself, "are you hurt?"

"No," I whispered, my eyes wide. "No, I'm fine. Everyone needs to calm down."

"He's a werewolf Bella!" Edward's voice was emphatic. "The most volatile creatures, do you have any idea…"

"I know exactly what Jacob is!" I said loudly, tugging on his arm as he moved toward Jacob. He turned suddenly, his black eyes wide. "I've known for weeks. He's saved my life. Edward, he's my best friend," I pleaded.

"Leave her alone bloodsucker," said Jacob, taking a step into the room though his body continued to shake. "You've done enough damage. She's fine without you. Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of." He leveled a glare at Alice. "And you're the one I smelled lurking around here the other day," he declared. "What do you want?"

Alice only looked guilty for a split second before her lips curled back in a snarl identically to her brother's. I filed away Jake's revelation for discussion at another time. It seemed more important that I prevent World War III at the moment. As I processed these things, Jacob muttered something that sounded like a curse and his hands shook harder.

Edward stepped forward slightly, deeper into his crouch in response, his teeth still bared. "No!" He had moved enough that I could launch myself past him in a split second. I stood in no-man's land. Edward and Alice were rigid, their faces identical masks of disgust and anger. But Jake's face was so frighteningly different, twisted by loathing. I reached out to place one hand on his quivering chest. "Jake, please relax. Let me explain, everything is fine, I promise." My touch seemed to bring him to his senses. The quivering slowed. He stared down at me in disbelief. Then his eyes widened and he glanced from me to Edward to the side, as if thinking about the door and running with me.

"I would not even consider that if I were you," threatened Edward in a low voice that sent shivers down my spine. He and Jake reached for me at the same time. I felt like the rope in a game of tug-of-war, each arm held by one angry supernatural person. I froze, thinking I was about to accidentally be torn in pieces. But Edward and Jacob halted too, their gazes locked in mutual hatred. "If you try to run with her, we will come after you. Treaty or not," Edward said.

Jake's grip on my arm tightened convulsively. It hurt. I bit my lip, but decided silence was best. But Alice caught my expression and suddenly she was beside me, closer to Jacob than Edward. Jake recoiled for an instant. It was enough. In a heartbeat I was back behind Edward and Alice.

I was getting tired of being tossed around. "Enough," I muttered. I shouldered myself to stand between Edward and Alice, one hand reached out to Jake. "Jacob, it's ok. You smelled vampires didn't you?" One curt nod. "It's just them Jake. I'm fine. Victoria isn't here."

"Victoria?" Edward and Alice turned to me at the same time, their eyes wide, Alice's with shock, Edward's in fury. They quickly narrowed to slits. "Victoria is here?" he hissed. I nodded.

"Jake and his pack have been looking out for me, keeping her away." I pointed to myself. "Danger magnet, remember?"

Edward looked back at Jake, reading his thoughts swiftly. He slowly straightened out of his crouch. "How long?" he managed to ask.

Jacob ignored him. Instead he stared at me. "Bella, we should go. Everyone's gathering at Sue's after the funeral; your dad will want you there."

"Bella won't be going anywhere with you," said Edward.

"Like hell…!" spluttered Jacob, his arms quivering again.

"Woah, woah!" I cried. First things first. "Edward, Victoria has been back for weeks. She's been looking for a way in, ever since Laurent…"

"Laurent!" I saw Alice shaking her head out of the corner of my eye.

"Yes, we, ah, met in the woods one day. Jake and his pack saved me."

Edward looked back at my friend, seeing the events in our meadow again from Jake's perspective. He growled and then suddenly hung his head. "Bella, I am so sorry. I had no idea this would happen. I thought she would come for me, never for you."

"Edward, it's all right. Please," I reached up to force his eyes to look at me. "I'm safe. And you came back."

"Wait, wait, wait." Jake was backing toward the door, one hand raised above his head as if in defense. "He's back? And you're just…just going to let him say he's sorry and…and that's it? After all he did to you?" He shook his head, concentrating as a fresh wave of fury hit him.

"Jake…" I stepped toward him, but there were two iron grips on my shoulders that prevented me from moving forward. "Jake, he left to protect me…"

"Yeah well he didn't do a good job did he!" Jake shouted. "Do you remember what you were like after he left? I do Bella. You looked like a walking zombie! He did that to you!"

I felt Edward's hand tighten slightly on my shoulder. I glanced up and saw such a level of pain there that I froze in panic. He stared at Jacob, his eyes lost and face drawn. "Edward?" I whispered. "What is it?"

He forced himself to look down at me. "What did I do to you?" he whispered. And I knew what Jacob was remembering: my behavior the first few weeks we were together, what I must have looked like the night Edward left. I winced myself. I knew it wasn't pretty. "I'll never forgive myself," he continued to whisper, looking tortured. "Not if I live to be a thousand years old."

"You don't deserve to be forgiven," Jacob snarled.

"Enough Jake," I said sharply.

"So what, you're just going to take him back?" asked Jacob in disbelief.

"I love him," I said simply. "What else can I do?"

A large convulsion ripped through his body but he controlled it. "Ugh." He straightened again and his face changed into my Jacob, before the werewolf gene had kicked in, when he had been my human best friend worried about his friend Quil. It was sad and frightened and pleading. "You could come with me," he whispered as if we were alone. "Walk away with me right now. Please."

I swallowed hard. "I can't do that Jake," I said just as quietly. "I never had a choice. He's my whole life."

"No!" he said louder. "Maybe he was last spring but now…now Bella I am as much a part of your life as you are of mine. That doesn't change. He isn't your whole life anymore. You do have a choice! Leave the bloodsucker behind!"

My emotions boiled at that nickname. "I'm not leaving, Jacob!"

"Maybe you should," said Alice, finally speaking after all this time. "Charlie will be leaving the funeral in a few minutes. He wants to stop here before he goes to Sue's."

Jake's jaw clenched. "Are you leaving?" he asked. Alice nodded but Edward wrapped his arms around me. "I'll never leave her again," he stated. "I may be out of Charlie's sight but I'll still be here. You can count on that, dog."

Jacob bristled. One quick glance at me and he was gone, out of my front door. I heard clothes ripping outside. Then there was silence. The living room seemed oddly empty with him gone. I felt the tears starting. Only Edward's arms, wrapped tightly around my body, kept me from sinking to the ground.

**Uh oh, Jacob's causing trouble! But he brings up a good point…Bella and Edward have some things to discuss…Reviews make me happy and keep me writing during finals!**


	8. Edward's Confession

**Charlie comes home. Uh oh. Edward fesses up and explains a little more.**

**SM owns all.**

Chapter 8

We stood there for a few minutes, as the tears cascaded down my face. Edward didn't say a word, just held me tightly. In that moment it was enough. At the sound of the cruiser pulling into the driveway, I pulled myself together. I turned to look at Edward. His face was a careful mask. "I need to make sure Charlie is all right," I said, averting my eyes from his face. I was suddenly uneasy. Jacob's words about forgiveness and explanations had fiddled with my happy perception of Edward's return. "Can you…I mean, what do I do? About…this?" I gestured futilely.

Edward braced himself at the sound of Charlie's footsteps. "I think I should take some responsibility," he murmured. Before I could ask what that meant, the door opened and Charlie came in. I stood, unsure. How was I going to explain this?

Charlie wandered into the den, his eyes downcast. "Hi, Dad," I said softly. He looked up at me…and then he saw Edward, standing at my side. I couldn't look at his reaction because it was Charlie that most concerned me. His face went white, then red, then purple. He seemed to be having a stroke. "Charlie!" I stepped toward him in alarm but Edward held out a hand and I hesitated.

"Charlie…Chief Swan," he said quietly. "I realize what a shock this must be for you. Bella told me about your friend. My apologies on your loss. My timing is horrific, I know…"

"You know." The tone in Charlie's voice was something I had never heard before. He stood straight, his eyes cold and mouth stern. I had never seen my father like this. "Do you know about the hell you've put this family through? Do you know what you did to my daughter? Do you know what I should do to you right now?" His hand twitched and I knew he was thinking about his gun, hanging in our hallway. I sidled in that direction in case he was going to rush for it. But instead he took a few steps forward until he was right in front of Edward, his fury radiating from all sides. "Get out of my house and stay away from my daughter. Do you understand me?"

Edward held out his hands in an apologetic gesture. "What I did was unforgiveable. I know that. But I've come to ask Bella for her forgiveness anyway. And for yours. I never meant to hurt her, or you for that matter. With our…move," he only hesitated briefly over his lie, "I felt it would be better to…break it off." He cleared his throat. "I made a mistake. I need to make things right."

But Charlie did not seem to hear a word Edward had said. "Get out of my house!" he growled again and I rushed forward in panic to stand beside the both of them.

"Dad it's ok," I assured him. "I want to talk to him. I…I need answers. Please."

After a moment, his brown eyes, so like my own, looked down at me. I don't know what expression was on my face but he read something there. He stepped back, glaring at Edward in disgust. For his part, Edward remained calm, the essence of sincerity. "You will be polite to her," said Charlie. "When I get back from the reception…you had better be gone." He glanced back at me. "Call me if you need anything Bells."

I nodded, my throat tight. Charlie stalked out of the house, slamming the door behind him. I sank onto the couch, putting my head in my hands. How had all of this happened to ruin what should have been a moment of joy? I felt Edward sit beside me and I looked up. His face, so calm when Charlie had been yelling, was in pain again. He stared at me, seeming to drink in every angle of me. But his face was sad, as if he did not like what he saw. "I am so sorry Bella," he choked out in a whisper. "Charlie…when he saw me, I could feel everything he felt when you were…" He swallowed. "He's terrified for you. Has been terrified for you. What was I thinking?" Now he was the one to put his head in his hands. I heard him mumbling to himself but the words were too fast and too low for me to hear.

"Edward." I tugged on his stone arms and he looked up at me, his face drawn. "We need to talk. I need you to explain. Please."

He shook his head. "I don't know if I can," he said. "Knowing what I did to you…seeing it through the werewolf's mind, hearing it from your father…what I did, why I did it seems so, so…"

"Reckless and stupid?" I suggested, trying to put a smile on his face.

It didn't work.

"It was. I hoped that by leaving, I could give you a chance to be a normal _human_. Just by being around you, I put you in constant danger. At your birthday party, when Jasper…" He shook his head in agony. "You could've been killed. By a member of my family. But the worst part…" He stopped, looking away from me.

"What?" I asked, touching his face. "Please, you need to tell me. I need…I need to know. Please. Explain it however you can. And then, I'll answer all your questions," I promised rashly. "Whatever you want to know."

My bribe, an exchange of the hidden inner-workings of my mind for his, worked. He took a deep breath, smiling at my scent, and nodded. "I can't deny you anything. Not now. The worst part was I could have so easily killed you myself. Pushing you down, slicing up your arm…the blood." His eyes closed. His remembered thirst must have been harder to handle with his eyes so dark. "I had to stop breathing to even have a chance of not drinking from you myself. Even as I fought against one of my own family members from harming you, I so wanted to myself. I could never let that happen again." His tortured eyes met mine. I knew the tears, so present today, were about to spill over, but I struggled to contain myself. I needed answers no matter how much they hurt.

"In the forest with you…I lied. I had convinced myself this was the best thing I could do for you. No matter how much it hurt me, all that mattered to me was you. If I left with you thinking I still loved you, you would never be able to move on and that's what I wanted. Even if I could never be happy again, it was essential that you were happy and safe. So I lied. And you believed me so easily. I could see it, that you truly believed that I did not love you, that I did not want you, when nothing could be further from the truth." He slid to the floor in front of me, kneeling in his confession. "I want you Isabella Swan," he said, looking deeply into my eyes. "I love you. I have never stopped. These last months have been agony for me, but at least I knew, or thought I knew, that you were safe and hopefully happy. But to leave you without any such knowledge, with the awful last memory of my pretended indifference…it was wrong. I was wrong. I am so sorry. I will spend the rest of my existence trying to make it up to you."

I began to cry again, silently, blown away by his words. I understood now why he left, what he was thinking. And in a way it made sense. But I could not forget what I had experienced since he had left me in the forest. In my heart he was already forgiven, but he needed to hear my story, hear all of what happened to me. I knew it would hurt him, but I had promised to explain. And I had to follow through. No more secrets. Only honesty. And so I took a deep breath and stood. "Come take a walk with me." I held out my hand and led him outside, back to the forest where our worlds had fallen apart so many months ago.

**About to come full circle folks! Only one more chapter coming and then this part of the story will be over. If I have more time this summer, I'd like to keep going with this rewrite of **_**New Moon**_**. But this story focuses on Edward's return and how E/B deal with it. **

**Please leave reviews if you have a moment! If people like the story, I'll be more motivated to continue it later!**


	9. Nothing but Honesty

**Well here it is, the last chapter! Since this is my first foray into fanfiction I wanted to keep it short and sweet. So thanks for enjoying the ride with me; this summer I'd like to continue either with this story or play around with another idea that's running through my head. We'll just have to see where the writing gods take me!**

**SM owns all. She has all the luck.**

Chapter 9

The forest was quiet, the soft rain rolling off the leaves to plop down around us. I had not been along this path since I had last seen him. I kept walking, always conscious of the hand in mine, until I reached the spot along the trail where everything had happened almost seven months ago. I took a deep breath and sat on a fallen log, pulling Edward down beside me. I was already trembling; standing was not a good idea. Edward remained silent, his face schooled into a perfect mask. Perfect except for the slight tightening around his eyes. I found I was glad that I could still read his face. It eased some tension inside me. I let out my breath and stared out at the forest around us.

"I promised to tell you everything and I will. But just know that despite it all, I still love you. That's important." I turned to look at him and he nodded solemnly. I looked away again. There was no way I could look at him while I said this.

"After you…left," my throat tightened but I ignored it. I had to do this. "I barely slept or ate for a week. I felt dead. I wanted to be. I don't remember much of that first week; I was just lost. But then Charlie came, with Renee, and they tried to pack my things to send me back to Florida with my mom. And I went kind of berserk." I almost smiled. "I flew into a rage and refused to leave. You wanted it to be like you had never existed. If I had gone to Florida, a place I could not imagine you, it would be so much easier for that to happen. And I couldn't let that happen," I said, more fiercely than I had meant, "because you have to exist. I could keep going, as long as I knew that you did." I turned to look at him for a brief instant and regretted it. His face stared off into the forest, but the lines of pain down his face cut right to my heart. He looked like he was burning.

I looked away, trying not to sob. "So I stayed. I went to school, to work, came home, cooked dinner and did homework. And slept. I dreamed almost every night about this place." I looked around at the trees. "I wandered, frantic to find something but eventually I could not remember what it was. And I realized there was nothing to search for. Nothing but nothing. That's when I would wake up screaming." My voice hurt just remembering. "And it went on like that for months. Until the motorcycles. And Jake."

"The werewolf?" Edward murmured, still not looking my way.

"Yes. But he wasn't…yet. He helped put me back together. I discovered that when I did stupid, dangerous things I could remember your voice, hear the notes of anger and concern. I would fight forever to keep hearing you, even if only for a moment. When I met Laurent in the meadow, I heard you, you tried to save me. But…it was Jake and his pack who did." I shook my head. "When Jake changed, he tried to stay away too, but that didn't work out either. The pack has been protecting me from Victoria." Now Edward looked at me, his nostrils flaring. I carefully didn't look into his pain-stricken eyes. "Laurent said she wants to kill me as revenge for James' death. She wants to take your love from you since you took hers. Eye for an eye," I shrugged, trying not to look concerned.

"So that's most of it. Life has been better the last few weeks but still…the nightmares wouldn't go away. I craved your voice. The hole in my chest…it burned to think of you but my recklessness didn't hurt…at least not my heart," I chuckled, remembering my bumps and bruises. "I refused to forget you, but I couldn't remember either. Jake helped me a lot. Without him, I'm not sure what you would have come home to." I hung my head, staring at my hands, barely glancing at the scar on my palm.

It was silent for a few minutes. I did not want to speak first; Edward was digesting what I had said, controlling his reaction beside me. Or so I thought. Suddenly he stood, pacing furiously in front of me, practically blurring. And then there was a branch cracking, flying through the air, crashing into another tree that shook with impact. I was rooted to my seat as Edward dropped to his knees, his back to me, his head clutched in his hands, his body shaking in what would have been sobs if he could have cried. My own eyes were wide, my heart clenched in pain to see the agony he was in, agony my words had caused.

I could hardly make myself move but after a moment I forced myself to stand. I approached him slowly, cautiously, not sure if my touch would help or hurt. I settled for kneeling in the leaves beside him, trying to see his face. His hands blocked his eyes from me. His sobs were quieting, though his rigid pose had not softened. Hesitantly, I reached out to touch his hand…and he shrank from me. "Don't," he choked out. "How can you forgive me? I hurt you in imaginable ways, thinking that I knew best. I know nothing!" He shouted, suddenly standing above me, staring up at the sky. "I have never deserved you less than this moment, when you can calmly tell me how I destroyed your life! I was wrong to leave but I was more wrong to enter your life in the first place! Look at what I've done!" He finally looked down at me with eyes full of torture and self-loathing. I don't know what expression my numb face held, but my heart was beating rapidly and my breath had quickened. It took me a moment to realize I was not feeling fear…but anger.

"A mistake to enter my life in the first place?" I repeated quietly. I stood slowly, my eyes not leaving his. I felt a fire blazing up through my body. "How dare you? Having you in my life was the greatest gift…more than I deserved. I treasured every moment together and then you disappeared. You…you lied!" My exhausted emotions overtook me and suddenly I was screaming. I pounded his chest with my fists, ignoring how it hurt. "How could you do that to me? You've saved my life so many times, in so many ways. A mistake!" I shrieked and pounded his motionless chest again. "I love you Edward Cullen! Against all reason and logic, I love you and you…you love me…" I stopped my fruitless pounding and stared at my sore hands, resting against his frozen chest, as some sort of revelation came over me. "You love me too. Against all reason and logic."

One finger gently lifted my chin. I looked up into dark eyes, burning with passion and barely checked emotions. "I swear it on…on you, Isabella Swan," he whispered. "As surely as you stand before me, I love you more deeply than words could ever say. And if you can forgive me for all I have done to you, I know I will be the happiest and most repentant creature on this Earth. I will never leave you again unless that is your desire. You command me." His hands encircled my wrists though. "What do you want, Bella?"

As I stared into his eyes, I felt my whole body relax and felt filled with peace. Edward watched the reason return to my face and he too relaxed. I smiled softly. "I'm sorry for the outburst." He was already shaking his head. "Don't ever apologize for honesty, Bella," he murmured. "I deserve much worse than that." One hand traveled up to cup my face. "But you never answered my question. What do you want?"

I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I want you," I said simply.

Edward smiled. "And so you will always have me." His gentle kiss held apologies and love and hope but most of all, I tasted the promise of a future.

We had some things to figure out.

But it was enough to know that we would figure them out together.

I should have known that Jacob would not let it be that easy.

**I know, I know, I'm cruel! But I wanted to leave this story open for me to continue, but since I'm graduating in two weeks (happy dance) I don't have time to keep going with this right now. But you haven't seen the last of me!**

**In any case, leave some reviews to encourage me to keep going with this story later this summer! Thanks for your support!**


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